Losing Madness

Day by day, We sit lost in our little boxes and bubbles, feeding our bodies, training our minds and generally sticking to what we know. We think of our hearts as merely another part of our bodies, albeit vital. We recognize the importance of blood circulation, even if only physically. But if this journey has taught me anything, it's that Our heart is the most important function of existence. Our bodies and minds feel pleasure and pain, yet Our heart transcends dualities. Regardless of how we treat it, it provides the beat that keeps blood in our veins to keep Us going. Like clockwork, without trying or caring, it works for Us. It doesn't matter how far We travel, how much We think we know; no matter who, where, what, when or why We are, It keeps right on ticking, with Us, for Us, from Us and even without Us. Like water, it is Our existence's vital peacekeeper. It maintains and regulates our bodies and minds, without ever knowing it.

This realization, though seemingly mundane, proves the sacrality of everything, deep down inside. All of God's creations function in cycles of pulse, of steady beats, ons and offs, keeping Us going, assured by persistence. Without such cycles, the body and mind could not function, for it is expectation, of nourishment, of actions and of obligation which dictates Our existence. There's no escaping pulse in this reality, and so We attempt to train Our mind to maintain Our body, both derived of the steady, unconditional beat of Our Heart. This is certain.

Uncertainty is everything. Besides the steady cycles of existence, We never know what to expect next. In our bubbles and boxes, we maintain a certain degree of accurate expectations through predictability, but when the bubble bursts is when We become lost. Some of Us are afraid of losing ourselves, and so we do everything to maintain the integrity of our reality; we often stick to them as if there is nothing else. Others, though we enjoy the predictability of our comfort zones, try to escape them whenever possible. Still others attempt to expand their bubbles to make incorporate as much as possible, to be comfortable everywhere. In all of this madness, it seems the only Universal is variety.

In this little trip of mine, I have explored every possibility I can muster. I've enjoyed myself with friends in comfortable places, I've lost myself in the wilderness of uncertainty and I've been content with everything God throws at me. In all of Its variety and wonder, I've seen things I'd never imagine, met people with all kinds of perspectives and experienced all shades of the Universe's steady, flowing madness. Still, I am lost. I have no idea what I'm doing, why I'm doing it or how. I just do. I've constantly escaped my own expectations and gone with the hugs and punches. All in all, the trip has been full of loving strangers, good friends, old and new, and plenty of surprise. There's no way to describe It in all its variety, but here I will attempt a summary. In a whirlwind of delirium and clarity, of experiencing pulse within and without me, this is what I've come to realize.

First, I'd like to apologize for not keeping better, more regular updates. I've tried my best, with friends and family mostly, to keep contact out here on the road, but delirium, time and technology impede utter genuity. It's very different typing on a computer to masses of people than it is talking face to face. But here I will try, and I'd love if you'd ask questions, more personally, so I can clarify things that interest you. It's been one hell of a trip, and I can only barely describe it now so far, so here goes...

Before leaving, I made sure to get everything I need, including nearly 20 pounds of food (nuts, dried fruit, granola, vegetable supplements ~$80), a first aid kit, sunscreen, lip balm (all~$20), socks, shoes, clothes, toiletries including a roll of toilet paper, new iPhone for navigation and contact, old Verizon phone in case of emergency, a 'bivvy' sack, a light novel, and my African farmers' hat adorned with flowers to catch peoples' eyes. All of these material things, though blessings I could not live without, have weighed me down and made the trip that much more difficult. But so is life; despite their value, the weight of material things is a struggle unique to humanity. Whether necessarily eating, or willingly playing, there's no end to the variety and wonder of our material possessions.

On Tuesday, June 1st, I set off from my parents' house in San Antonio, TX, after a whirlwind of preparations and doubt, but with a heart full of love, a body full of nourishment and a mind full of wonder, as only family may fully provide. It was hot, as expected, and my dedication consumed the doubts swimming around in my head. My first step was to make it to Interstate Highway 10, and once I got there, the doubts began to fade. Walking up 10, I saw my memories fade away behind me. The city I grew up in passed me by like my life flashing before my eyes, and I knew what I was seeking. I'm not sure whether it's happened yet, but I know I must be born-again, and again, and again. As I construct boxes to live in comfortably, perpetually along the trip, I realize the best We can do is to enjoy the present. All our doubts and expectations are born of a romantic history and imagined future. The only true contentment comes from enjoying every moment as if it is the only One.

In all of this musing, my feet carried me about 30 miles to the familiar town of Boerne, TX, where I camped near Cascade Caverns (~$10). This was likely the most uneventful evening of the whole trip thusfar. It was my first day out, and I felt a sense of optimism at having conquered my initial doubts to walk as far as I had from home. Still, I felt too close to comfort.

So, I continued walking the next day. I had made plans to meet a friend on Wednesday, June 2nd in Waring, TX at the Waring General Store, owned and operated by the folks at the Don Strange Ranch for a phenomenal weekly event known as Steak Nite. My good friend, Tom, cooked me and nearly 100 others a fabulously robust and uniquely Texan dinner, with beer and good times included. Here, I thought, will surely be a fond farewell to Texas as I know it, but the Universe had other plans.

The next day, being filled with nourishment and joy, I kept on walking, toward Fredricksburg on Thursday, June 3rd, just only a week ago, though it feels like it's been ages. The Texas hill country was really just beginning to kick my ass, but I made it to a little place called Alamo Springs. At the Alamo Springs General Store and Cafe, I was treated to the most friendly hospitality and graciousness I'd ever experienced. The staff there, in addition to making great burgers, will always have a good conversation with you and make you feel right at home. It seemed I had not yet left my comfort zone, and likely wouldn't for days still.

They recommended I check out the Fredricksburg Brewery on my way through, and considering I wouldn't make it to my destination out of the way at Enchanted Rock, I figured it'd be a nice experience. Boy, were they right! I enjoyed yet another Texas evening with the fine folks of Fredricksburg, where public drinking is legal, and you'll never find yourself at a loss for words. After meeting some locals, I got comfortable and prepared for what I expected to be the toughest days ahead.

Friday, June 4th, only days from leaving home, I set off from Fredricksburg toward Mason, TX, through some of the toughest heat yet. Only about 5 miles from town, at a small picnic area with "Don't Mess with Texas" signs, but no trash cans to boot, I encountered some cute kittens that seemed to have been dumped there. They were all 3 female, and so were likely not wanted for financial reasons. I felt bad for the poor things, being in the heat surrounded by snakes and coyotes and what have you, so I fed them nuts and water for a few hours while I tried to figure out if anyone could save them. I'm not sure if they're still there, but I sure hope someone picked tjhem up. Regardless, it was a lesson in restraint, that despite overwhelming compassion, there's nothing we can do sometimes. So, with a heavy heart, unprepared to carry 3 kittens 35 miles to my next destination, I left them behind, as good as dead. Still, God had plans for me that I could never have expected.

Only minutes after leaving the kittens, a man in an old Ford pulled over on highway 87 and asked if I needed any help. Worn through by the heat and bleak road ahead, I accepted, and boy was it a great choice! As the fellow Jeff drove me up a hill and we exchanged small talk, after hearing about the trip, he suggested that I was walking the wrong way to Colorado! Knowing some folks were going to be headed to Colorado by the end of the week, he recommended I check out the Kerrville Folk Festival, just around the corner from where I started in San Antonio. Hesitant to go backwards, but interested in the experience, I decided to accept the offer and hung out with Jeff the rest of the afternoon before we headed down to Kerrville. Once there, I knew I had been blessed in the decision!

A community of variety at its finest, they greet each and every person with a huge hug and a very appropriate "Welcome Home". No doubt, anyone could feel right at home at this 18 day(!!) music and culture festival in Quiet Valley in the heart of the Texas hill country. So, despite my physically coming full circle, I felt a sense of progress that can only be realized among a family of loving people all trying to find a place. Instead of the lonely road through the devastating edge of the Texas panhandle, becoming more and more deserted, then I spent the weekend in an oasis of splendor and community to which I will surely try to return. Like countless folks before me, the atmosphere of this festival 'marathon' lent to my outright
'Kerrversion,' that I would highly recommend to anybody! Still, my heart dedicated to the trip, by Sunday, I was ready to move on.

Lucky enough, I found a ride to Austin as I left, where I managed a ride through Dallas to Springfield, CO(gas~$80), both to catch up/get ahead, and skip over the deathly panhandle. Knowing I wouldn't want to jeopardize all that We have achieved thusfar, my heart told me I couldn't make it the five or more days through the desolation of the stretch I skipped, and my body and mind surely couldn't have managed to even accomodate the water necessary to such an endeavour in mid-June. Yet again, it was a great choice!

Springfield, CO, a cute town with an appropriately Simpsons' name, was more than accomodating as I refueled (battery and water), and met some locals. One such fellow, an recovering ex-con by the name of Thomas, provided me with the first monetary contribution on the road for the cause. Giving me 3 dollars and a place to relax before finding a place to sleep, we had quite a revealing discussion about the world and our place within it. Seeming opposites in our experiences and perspectives, we got along like peanut butter and jelly. Though we only agreed on fundamentals, we parted ways with the realization that, despite our differences, we're both dedicated to seeking the truth. He tried to give me a porno mag, and gave me a small bottle of anointing oil from his grandparents to fight the stench of the road. Still, smelly and worn out, I walked to just outside of town near a railway to pass out. Along the way, God played a beautiful joke on me, conjuring a storm all around me, but never reaching me, to accompany the gorgeous sunset on the plains. I have some astounding pictures, and I now know what Jimi Hendrix meant by Purple Rain.

The past couple of days have been the most difficult yet. Out in the middle of nowhere Colorado, though very glad to be here, I was bombarded by incredibly dynamic weather, less than hospitable farmlands and dusty, windy dirt trails. Following the railway much of the way, I passed through Deora, where I found a place to curl up Tuesday night, and by the grace of God, yesterday, managed to be picked up just before delirium set in about 20 miles still from Las Animas. Herman, a Dish cable guy, brought me into town, gave me renewed hope and a Pepsi, and went off to do his duty, installing cable for the fine folks of southeastern Colorado. Without him, I'd likely still be in route here.

To say the least, though it's been an epic trip, I still have no idea what I'm seeking. Like most blessings, it's likely right in front of my face. The things we take for granted are innumerable and everywhere, but how should we know unless it hits us? Maybe all I needed was an escape from my comfort zone, to see what the world would provide in new experiences and surprises. All I know is I still have a long road ahead, but plenty of time for it. I plan on rambling on the plains to see if I can't realize what I've been searching for. It dawns on me that maybe I'm trying to hard; maybe what I seek is as simple as finding a place in the world to joyfully, in love, fulfill my duty.

Regardless, I know we must perpetually count our blessings and thank the Universe for every opportunity. I know I will from here on out. Whether it be the incredible support y'all have shown this dream, or the strangers I make friends with along the way, there's no end to them. They are everywhere, unconditionally presenting themselves for our heart to manifest. No matter what We may try to realize, the fact that We can make a difference in this world together is astoundingly real.

So far we've raised over $600, less than $200 of which has been used towards this trip so far, so our collective donation to Amnesty International, supporting global human rights is sitting right around $400, with only a little over a week to go until I'm done. This incredible donation would not be possible without my good friends with Dreamtime Productions ATX (Austin, TX), Sonic Bloom Music Festival (the ultimate destination and loving sponsor) and support from each and every one of y'all! We've been phenomenally receptive to the dream, and We're turning it into phenomenal action! We've surpassed even my wildest expectations, and we'll be accepting contributions through July 14th in order to make this as big as possible! I will submit our collective donation to Amnesty International on July 15th, after collecting through Sonic Bloom and beyond. So keep spreading the dream to get as many people in on this as possible. I'd love to meet each and every one of y'all, so don't be shy! I apologize for any opportunity or contact I've missed, but it's been a hell of a ride. Hopefully as this thing gets done, I'll have more opportunity to respond to questions or concerns as you present them. Again, thanks so much for reading and keeping up with me! I wish the best for Us all. We love Us!




Peace & Love; We live as We dream--together.